Dear Family and Friends,
I'm not really used to blogging everyday. But today I thought I would let you know how our appointment went with Dr. Kerr.
After all the weird stuff over the weekend with the pain and the swelling in my face. I wasn't really sure what to expect from him. This morning my swelling did seem a bit more. My breathing did seem more shallow too. But the pain continues to be low to nearly gone. I did however snore a lot last night...apparently. Any position I laid in...I'd even woke myself up. Anyways, we'll get to that later.
I let Dr. Kerr know of all the happenings of the weekend. He read the report from the X-ray on Thursday. All looked to have improved in the areas we were checking. The fluid appeared all but gone. Even the radiation pneumonia stuff looked better. Going in I was thinking I might need to have my lung area tapped again today. Since I was not able to take in a very big breath this morning. But when he listed to my lungs he heard air flowing all the way to the bottom of both sides of my lung. No fluid still!!! Thank you Jesus!!! Just think that other Dr. at the hospital wouldn't even tap me because he said "what's the use...it will just fill right back up." Thank God Dr. Kerr did find the right guy who would do the job!
We are thinking the breathing and the snoring could be related to effects from radiation on my esophaugas. You have to go through the healthy stuff to get to the bad stuff. The outside skin was so burnt I can only imagine what the inside more tender tissue must have endured. The effects on my body this time were so much more intense because of all the chemo drugs I have had in the past. Even the techs were surprised by the burns. The burns on the outside are looking great. I have been putting burn cream on them 3 times a day. But I have not been doing anything for the inside. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. I even have medicine to swallow 4 times a day to help. Also Dr. Kerr gave me an inhaler to help when breathing becomes difficult. I will re-pick up this regimine and see how that helps. Also my legs muscles have been so weak. Even with moving around more. He is thinking it is the steroid. Since things are clearing up in the lungs. We will start the tapering dose on that right away. That drug will give you muscle weakness. I will just reduce to 1/2 a pill less for 2 weeks. 4 times until I stop all together.
He was overall really happy to see how God is a work! We left the appointment feeling great! Be praying we can get the breathing, swelling and strengthenging resolved! God is at work and there is no stopping Him now! Thank you all for being such faithful friends. I told Dr. Kerr that you are my Jesus Medical Team! Kim's guys are my Band of Warriors!! (B.O.W.) Is that awesome or what?? You guys just get it done and get it done qucik! I love you all so much!!
Honored and Excited,
Peggy
Peggy Wolf
Monday, October 26, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
It's a New Day!!-10/25
Hi Friends and Family,
Wow, what a difference a day & lots of prayer makes! My Jesus Medical Team and Band of Warriors are phenomenal!
Yesterday, I just took more pain meds to stay comfortable. At night I just doubled my dose of Vicodin and planned on getting up to get more meds when the pain woke me up. Well, the pain never did come back. And I needed to use the restroom twice last night. So consequently the swelling was down in my face today. I guess God wanted me to go to Church. I wanted to be there too. I even sat in the front row with Larry (my usual seat). I have been in the back when I have been there mostly this past month. It felt good to be there today and it felt great to feel better.
The pain was not gone this morning. But much much less. I go in the morning to see Dr. Kerr who is over my care right now. I will run all these events by him. I did have my chest x-ray on Thurs. and this pain appeared Fri. night. So I don't know if things are even the same as the Thurs X-ray. He'll let me know what he wants me to do.
Just wanted to thank everyone for the prayers!! And so much to Thank Jesus for His awesome healing touch! I love Him so much!!
Blessings to all, Peggy
Wow, what a difference a day & lots of prayer makes! My Jesus Medical Team and Band of Warriors are phenomenal!
Yesterday, I just took more pain meds to stay comfortable. At night I just doubled my dose of Vicodin and planned on getting up to get more meds when the pain woke me up. Well, the pain never did come back. And I needed to use the restroom twice last night. So consequently the swelling was down in my face today. I guess God wanted me to go to Church. I wanted to be there too. I even sat in the front row with Larry (my usual seat). I have been in the back when I have been there mostly this past month. It felt good to be there today and it felt great to feel better.
The pain was not gone this morning. But much much less. I go in the morning to see Dr. Kerr who is over my care right now. I will run all these events by him. I did have my chest x-ray on Thurs. and this pain appeared Fri. night. So I don't know if things are even the same as the Thurs X-ray. He'll let me know what he wants me to do.
Just wanted to thank everyone for the prayers!! And so much to Thank Jesus for His awesome healing touch! I love Him so much!!
Blessings to all, Peggy
Saturday, October 24, 2009
And so the ride continues-10/24/09
Dear Friends and Family,
God told me that the ride would continue, so I am hanging on!! I'm needing prayer for some physical things that presented themselves last night.
I did forget my steroid last night that is helping with the radiation pneumonia swelling. Could be part of this. It's a guessing game. But God knows exactly what is up and He is in control!! Around 3:30 am Josh woke up with a bad dream and join us in bed. So then I noticed my left lung area was uncomfortable and decided since I was all awake to just get up and take another pain med. It really did nothing at all. The pain just continued. I have not had much pain through this whole thing. So I really don't take that much stuff for it. Just enough to help me relax to get good sleep. I do have more stuff and stronger stuff on hand if needed. I just want to know what is really necessary especially with God on the job!!
I also noticed my face was more swollen this morning and my rings were tighter. That could be a Superior Vena Cava syndrome complication. Again, God knows exactly what is going on around that vein. My breathing is feeling fine. I do need to mention another good improvement thing that happened this week. I was having a hard time getting burps out. It made my stomach feel full and my appetite supressed. Then early in the week one morning. Things just went back to normal in the burping department. So now you all can be happy when you burp and know it's all a good part of a healthy system. I so thankful!
I have been feeling lots of improvement so I know that I have been doing more than I should. This could be God telling me to pace myself a little better. I love my family and love to take care of them. It's a joy to me! But right now I need to let them keep doing what they are doing and taking care of me and letting me just help in ways that are reasonable. I have such a great family! I love them all so much!! So today will involve more just sitting. My legs got so weak with all this. I just think I need to move them more. But, again there is that happy medium.
Thanks for praying. It's weird writing about so many physical things with my body. But I really feel this is how the Lord wants me to handle things now. Thanks for being apart of this with me and my family. I do not feel afraid. Just uncomfortable. Already my back is starting to ease up! Praise Jesus!!!
Oh yes, while I am thinking of it. Pray for Joshua too. He was really weepy yesterday and even at school. Just sensitive about whatever...nothing imparticular. He has been mentioning about being scared our house is going to burn down a lot lately. Not sure what sparked that one. But he's been on that one for a couple weeks. Thanks friends!
I love you all so much!! Thank you Jesus...Thank you too!!
Peggy
God told me that the ride would continue, so I am hanging on!! I'm needing prayer for some physical things that presented themselves last night.
I did forget my steroid last night that is helping with the radiation pneumonia swelling. Could be part of this. It's a guessing game. But God knows exactly what is up and He is in control!! Around 3:30 am Josh woke up with a bad dream and join us in bed. So then I noticed my left lung area was uncomfortable and decided since I was all awake to just get up and take another pain med. It really did nothing at all. The pain just continued. I have not had much pain through this whole thing. So I really don't take that much stuff for it. Just enough to help me relax to get good sleep. I do have more stuff and stronger stuff on hand if needed. I just want to know what is really necessary especially with God on the job!!
I also noticed my face was more swollen this morning and my rings were tighter. That could be a Superior Vena Cava syndrome complication. Again, God knows exactly what is going on around that vein. My breathing is feeling fine. I do need to mention another good improvement thing that happened this week. I was having a hard time getting burps out. It made my stomach feel full and my appetite supressed. Then early in the week one morning. Things just went back to normal in the burping department. So now you all can be happy when you burp and know it's all a good part of a healthy system. I so thankful!
I have been feeling lots of improvement so I know that I have been doing more than I should. This could be God telling me to pace myself a little better. I love my family and love to take care of them. It's a joy to me! But right now I need to let them keep doing what they are doing and taking care of me and letting me just help in ways that are reasonable. I have such a great family! I love them all so much!! So today will involve more just sitting. My legs got so weak with all this. I just think I need to move them more. But, again there is that happy medium.
Thanks for praying. It's weird writing about so many physical things with my body. But I really feel this is how the Lord wants me to handle things now. Thanks for being apart of this with me and my family. I do not feel afraid. Just uncomfortable. Already my back is starting to ease up! Praise Jesus!!!
Oh yes, while I am thinking of it. Pray for Joshua too. He was really weepy yesterday and even at school. Just sensitive about whatever...nothing imparticular. He has been mentioning about being scared our house is going to burn down a lot lately. Not sure what sparked that one. But he's been on that one for a couple weeks. Thanks friends!
I love you all so much!! Thank you Jesus...Thank you too!!
Peggy
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Seeing Improvements!-10/21/09
Dear Friends and Family,
Hope all is going well for all of you in this wonderful Fall season! I've always enjoyed this time of year and this year is no different!
Boy did I ever have a busy weekend that just doesn't see to end. I have had so many visitors it has been one big love fest! I have enjoyed every ounce of it. Yes, I was tired, overwhelmed, exhausted but, it was so nice. I had visits from old Gospel Light friends, My very first friend ever,Donna (the dead duck-I was Peggy Piglet) and her daughter Madi, Ann flew in from IL, Jodi flew in from IL, Jamie drove down from Selma, Saw Molly, and Chrisie and her folks. Yesterday and today I had visitors from the neighborhood I grew up in. It's been great! It's been fun sharing the peace I have with where God has me right now! Remembering fun times past is so priceless too! We laughed so much!
After having such a serious talk with the Doctors about how basically they really don't have much more to offer me to help, I'm sure people are all not sure what disposition I will be when the get here. But when friends leave we are all smiles! It is really incredible where God has me. It's hard to put into words exactly but I will try.
Like any journey God takes you on it's all individual and very personal between you and God. He knows what He needs to allow you to go through to get you where He needs you to be. Often for things you have been actually been praying for. We want to be closer to Him. We want to have strong faith. We want to honor Him in all our ways. etc... For me, the day I was diagnoised I was unable to mentally or otherwise be where I am today. I feel such a weight lifted from me. I feel unspeakable peace. I have a confidence in God like no other time in my life. I know He has been so present in every step of this journey. And as the saying goes...I know He carried Larry and I through many of those moments.
Now if symptoms arise they will most likely offer me something to help it. (i.e. pain killers). Since I am not going to be treated anymore they will not be scanning me to see what the problem is. So I will be going to you friends and family who have been the awesome army of God on my behalf to fight any sympton that might arise. Already I have had two more sore spots on the left side of my head show up. Larry had Kim B's band of warriors pray. One day one was gone today the other is gone. Wow-that was faster than radiation!! I really felt like God said this to me the other day. "Maintain Steadfast Faith!" "I am able" "I am willing" "hold on-the ride will continue" "you can do it" "you are able". OK Lord!!:)
I have this excitement inside me at what He is doing, going to do and going to do so so so much more beyond me and this cancer. I feel like a tiny little piece of something really great. I feel so honored to be here. There is really no point in giving up in any way when we have all fought this so hard for so long. The battle is in no way over. It's all God! Jamie said it on her visit! "When God is all you have, you realize He is all you need"!!! I've quoted it over and over since then. Thank you all for standing with us in this battle for healing! God is able and God is willing!! And I want it!!
I will try to update best I can. I will be as honest as I can. I want you to know how to pray us all through the journey. The family is doing remarkable. We are all adjusting and sorting out new duties. But, everyone is rallying together.
Also I went to Church last Sunday. It was just so great to be with my Church family that I love so much. If anyone knows me, they know I am a people person. It so filled up my cup to just be there. I hardly talked to everyone I wanted to. But got to see and smile at so many people I love so much!!
I love you all more than I can express!! Thank-you entirely from the whole Wolf family!!!
Peggy
Hope all is going well for all of you in this wonderful Fall season! I've always enjoyed this time of year and this year is no different!
Boy did I ever have a busy weekend that just doesn't see to end. I have had so many visitors it has been one big love fest! I have enjoyed every ounce of it. Yes, I was tired, overwhelmed, exhausted but, it was so nice. I had visits from old Gospel Light friends, My very first friend ever,Donna (the dead duck-I was Peggy Piglet) and her daughter Madi, Ann flew in from IL, Jodi flew in from IL, Jamie drove down from Selma, Saw Molly, and Chrisie and her folks. Yesterday and today I had visitors from the neighborhood I grew up in. It's been great! It's been fun sharing the peace I have with where God has me right now! Remembering fun times past is so priceless too! We laughed so much!
After having such a serious talk with the Doctors about how basically they really don't have much more to offer me to help, I'm sure people are all not sure what disposition I will be when the get here. But when friends leave we are all smiles! It is really incredible where God has me. It's hard to put into words exactly but I will try.
Like any journey God takes you on it's all individual and very personal between you and God. He knows what He needs to allow you to go through to get you where He needs you to be. Often for things you have been actually been praying for. We want to be closer to Him. We want to have strong faith. We want to honor Him in all our ways. etc... For me, the day I was diagnoised I was unable to mentally or otherwise be where I am today. I feel such a weight lifted from me. I feel unspeakable peace. I have a confidence in God like no other time in my life. I know He has been so present in every step of this journey. And as the saying goes...I know He carried Larry and I through many of those moments.
Now if symptoms arise they will most likely offer me something to help it. (i.e. pain killers). Since I am not going to be treated anymore they will not be scanning me to see what the problem is. So I will be going to you friends and family who have been the awesome army of God on my behalf to fight any sympton that might arise. Already I have had two more sore spots on the left side of my head show up. Larry had Kim B's band of warriors pray. One day one was gone today the other is gone. Wow-that was faster than radiation!! I really felt like God said this to me the other day. "Maintain Steadfast Faith!" "I am able" "I am willing" "hold on-the ride will continue" "you can do it" "you are able". OK Lord!!:)
I have this excitement inside me at what He is doing, going to do and going to do so so so much more beyond me and this cancer. I feel like a tiny little piece of something really great. I feel so honored to be here. There is really no point in giving up in any way when we have all fought this so hard for so long. The battle is in no way over. It's all God! Jamie said it on her visit! "When God is all you have, you realize He is all you need"!!! I've quoted it over and over since then. Thank you all for standing with us in this battle for healing! God is able and God is willing!! And I want it!!
I will try to update best I can. I will be as honest as I can. I want you to know how to pray us all through the journey. The family is doing remarkable. We are all adjusting and sorting out new duties. But, everyone is rallying together.
Also I went to Church last Sunday. It was just so great to be with my Church family that I love so much. If anyone knows me, they know I am a people person. It so filled up my cup to just be there. I hardly talked to everyone I wanted to. But got to see and smile at so many people I love so much!!
I love you all more than I can express!! Thank-you entirely from the whole Wolf family!!!
Peggy
Friday, October 16, 2009
Hope Sweet Hope-10/16/09
Dear Family and Friends,
I have been so blown away by all the love and support my family and I have been receiving. It's immeasurable. The help, the encouragement, the gifts and all that love. It's hard to contain. I feel like a love and blessing glutton right now. But the Lord said to take it all in!! So thank-you one and all!! The heartfelt prayers from those so far away are so very appreciated and felt too!!
Here at home we are all still adjusting to what I can and can not do. Some days are better than others. But for the most part I have been seeing improvement! Praise Jesus!! The spot on my head that hurt, no longer hurts! The swelling in my arms went down two days ago. I have my old arms back!! I'm sleeping better! Just doing more things in general.
Went to Dr. Kerr yesterday and had a positive appointment. He mostly encouraged us to keep thinking positive. It's hard not to when I have such an enormous amount of peace right now. I'm so thankful to God for this! He gave me some RX's and samples for breathing stuff and nausea. I will get a chest X-ray next week to see how the lung is doing. He was encouraged to know that it was not filled up again already. Sometimes that happens in just days.
I'm keeping my focus on Jesus and it's a hard place to get to. Things distract so often like when Peter was on the water with Jesus in Matt. 14. It's when he took his eyes of Him when he began to sink and fear. The waves are going to come we just have to keep our focus. Whatever the trial is. We don't have to pretend they don't exist. We just have to keep our focus on Jesus. I still have to work at this daily. But God is so good!
Please keep my family in your prayers too. We are all doing great. I'm so blessed. But so much has changed and roles have changed. Expectations on the kids have changed. Larry's role has been doubled. Ask the Lord to guide and direct us all in the transition time.
Thanks so much and Love to All!!
Peggy
I have been so blown away by all the love and support my family and I have been receiving. It's immeasurable. The help, the encouragement, the gifts and all that love. It's hard to contain. I feel like a love and blessing glutton right now. But the Lord said to take it all in!! So thank-you one and all!! The heartfelt prayers from those so far away are so very appreciated and felt too!!
Here at home we are all still adjusting to what I can and can not do. Some days are better than others. But for the most part I have been seeing improvement! Praise Jesus!! The spot on my head that hurt, no longer hurts! The swelling in my arms went down two days ago. I have my old arms back!! I'm sleeping better! Just doing more things in general.
Went to Dr. Kerr yesterday and had a positive appointment. He mostly encouraged us to keep thinking positive. It's hard not to when I have such an enormous amount of peace right now. I'm so thankful to God for this! He gave me some RX's and samples for breathing stuff and nausea. I will get a chest X-ray next week to see how the lung is doing. He was encouraged to know that it was not filled up again already. Sometimes that happens in just days.
I'm keeping my focus on Jesus and it's a hard place to get to. Things distract so often like when Peter was on the water with Jesus in Matt. 14. It's when he took his eyes of Him when he began to sink and fear. The waves are going to come we just have to keep our focus. Whatever the trial is. We don't have to pretend they don't exist. We just have to keep our focus on Jesus. I still have to work at this daily. But God is so good!
Please keep my family in your prayers too. We are all doing great. I'm so blessed. But so much has changed and roles have changed. Expectations on the kids have changed. Larry's role has been doubled. Ask the Lord to guide and direct us all in the transition time.
Thanks so much and Love to All!!
Peggy
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Home from the Hospital-10/10
Dear Friends and Family,
What a crazy bunch of days it's been this week. I went to a schedule follow-up appointment for the stent that never was placed with Dr. Rigberg on Tues. I had been having building difficulty with breathing and a new sore spot on the top of my head that day. We talked about a bunch of stuff and the fact that I took the week off radiation even though I only had 3 more to go. I was just feeling so horrible even with a 4 day break from it all. My heart rate was up over 130 beats a minute that day too. He was concerned about all of this so he call my family Dr.Kerr to discuss it all while we waited. He came back and said Dr. Kerr wanted us to go straight to his office to be evaluated and most likely admitted to the hospital. So he saw me and wrote up all the orders to be admitted and have all the different test done to see what was causing all of this.
So we go straight to Community Memorial Hospital in Ventura. Then I start having all kinds of test run. Oh but first our nurse friend Laura Fitts that works at CMH came and help ease nerves and get us settled and even made sure we had a great room with a beautiful view that was private. That was such a awesome blessing!
It turned out that my left lung or rather the area between the ribcage and the lung was filled with quite a bit of fluid. It was making it difficult to take it a full breath. Wed. afternoon they were able to give me a Thorantenthesis. I have no idea if I spelled that word right. But basically it means they thread a tube in my lung from my back and drain out the fluid. The procedure was really not to big of a deal. The relief was gradual as the lung took its time being able to reinflate all the way. I could by that evening get up and walk to the restroom and back without getting totally winded.
Later Wed. evening Dr. Kerr came in to review the test from that day and see how my breathing was and to have a serious talk with us. He told us in spite of the radiation I have been receiving the tumors around my heart area have grown. Also the new spot on my head is a possible new area of concern that could be treated with radiation. The fluid in my lung area could have been cause by the radiation or area tumors. It could fill up again. He began to discuss getting a DNR on my records. My chest is in a condition that it really couldn't take being resuscitated. And if they bring me back, then what? We have tried everything man has to offer already. So we tearfully agreed to that.
I have in the past few weeks been sensing from the Lord that this discussion was coming. So I was able to tell the Doctor that I was ready to be done with all radiation and chemo. It just is not offering enough hope or help and adding so many unpleasant side effects. He was ready to help us down this road. Dr. Kerr is just a beautiful Christian man. I communicated to him that I really feel like the Lord is telling me to just lay it all at the foot of the cross. Larry and I felt a tremendous peace about this decision. We were able the next morning to talk to a palleative care team. A team that helps with all the confusing stuff that goes on during this phase of any difficult illness. So much to be educated on right now. We are getting our living trust finished. And in no way at all are we throwing in the towel. Just like a soldier going off to war we want things in order since we do not know what it going to happen. We are still full on contending for a miracle from our Lord Jesus!!
Then next hours of the day were filled with talking to the kids, which was hard but they did really well. Lots of tears and hugs. Talking to many family and friend groups that could help get the word out. We are asking the Lord for a miracle on many battle fronts. There was a steady stream of support from family and close friends all day Thurs. We laughed we cried and I sat there not even feeling very sick. It's all so very surreal. God has spared me from pain in the process so far. I have had some but from what my cancer nurse friend tells me is that I am doing remarkable. People with less cancer have so many more discomforts. I attribute this to all the prayer and our Loving God!!
Larry brought me home last night. We had a quite evening together while the kids had a cousin night at Grandma and Grandpa Haeusslers. It was good for me to see where I at with myself and getting around since I have just been sitting in a bed for the last 4 days. I wish I could do more but I seem so limited. I walk from my room to the living room and feel winded. Not sure if my lung area is filling again or not. I have an appointment set to see Dr. Kerr next Thurs. We can discuss getting the stent now that radiation is out of the picture. That removes a complication. If my lung area needs draining I can look into that too. My future is in God's most capable hands.
I also feel the need to mention that I really sense the Lord telling me not to worry about the whole nutritional avenue. I know He talks to others about that, but for me. He wants me to focus on Him and not all that. It has been 3 1/2 years of lots of advice and many times info. that conflicts and complicates. He doesn't want me to get caught up in all that. He told me His word will direct me. We have never been reckless eaters. He wants to heal me where I am at.
All in all we ask you to please not give up and to keep praying with us. People have asked how to help. Aimee Nozzi is setting up meals for us. Lauri Stevensen is often up on our current needs and a good person to check with. Some very precious dear friends have set up a fund that is currently helping us out with the financial end of this trial. The fund is called "Friends of PeggyWolf" and is at the Santa Barbara Bank and Trust. We do not know who has given or how much they have given. But thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts. Larry and I just weep when we see the kindness and the love coming at us. It is truly overwhelming.
Thank you dear friends and family we love you all so very much!!
Peggy
What a crazy bunch of days it's been this week. I went to a schedule follow-up appointment for the stent that never was placed with Dr. Rigberg on Tues. I had been having building difficulty with breathing and a new sore spot on the top of my head that day. We talked about a bunch of stuff and the fact that I took the week off radiation even though I only had 3 more to go. I was just feeling so horrible even with a 4 day break from it all. My heart rate was up over 130 beats a minute that day too. He was concerned about all of this so he call my family Dr.Kerr to discuss it all while we waited. He came back and said Dr. Kerr wanted us to go straight to his office to be evaluated and most likely admitted to the hospital. So he saw me and wrote up all the orders to be admitted and have all the different test done to see what was causing all of this.
So we go straight to Community Memorial Hospital in Ventura. Then I start having all kinds of test run. Oh but first our nurse friend Laura Fitts that works at CMH came and help ease nerves and get us settled and even made sure we had a great room with a beautiful view that was private. That was such a awesome blessing!
It turned out that my left lung or rather the area between the ribcage and the lung was filled with quite a bit of fluid. It was making it difficult to take it a full breath. Wed. afternoon they were able to give me a Thorantenthesis. I have no idea if I spelled that word right. But basically it means they thread a tube in my lung from my back and drain out the fluid. The procedure was really not to big of a deal. The relief was gradual as the lung took its time being able to reinflate all the way. I could by that evening get up and walk to the restroom and back without getting totally winded.
Later Wed. evening Dr. Kerr came in to review the test from that day and see how my breathing was and to have a serious talk with us. He told us in spite of the radiation I have been receiving the tumors around my heart area have grown. Also the new spot on my head is a possible new area of concern that could be treated with radiation. The fluid in my lung area could have been cause by the radiation or area tumors. It could fill up again. He began to discuss getting a DNR on my records. My chest is in a condition that it really couldn't take being resuscitated. And if they bring me back, then what? We have tried everything man has to offer already. So we tearfully agreed to that.
I have in the past few weeks been sensing from the Lord that this discussion was coming. So I was able to tell the Doctor that I was ready to be done with all radiation and chemo. It just is not offering enough hope or help and adding so many unpleasant side effects. He was ready to help us down this road. Dr. Kerr is just a beautiful Christian man. I communicated to him that I really feel like the Lord is telling me to just lay it all at the foot of the cross. Larry and I felt a tremendous peace about this decision. We were able the next morning to talk to a palleative care team. A team that helps with all the confusing stuff that goes on during this phase of any difficult illness. So much to be educated on right now. We are getting our living trust finished. And in no way at all are we throwing in the towel. Just like a soldier going off to war we want things in order since we do not know what it going to happen. We are still full on contending for a miracle from our Lord Jesus!!
Then next hours of the day were filled with talking to the kids, which was hard but they did really well. Lots of tears and hugs. Talking to many family and friend groups that could help get the word out. We are asking the Lord for a miracle on many battle fronts. There was a steady stream of support from family and close friends all day Thurs. We laughed we cried and I sat there not even feeling very sick. It's all so very surreal. God has spared me from pain in the process so far. I have had some but from what my cancer nurse friend tells me is that I am doing remarkable. People with less cancer have so many more discomforts. I attribute this to all the prayer and our Loving God!!
Larry brought me home last night. We had a quite evening together while the kids had a cousin night at Grandma and Grandpa Haeusslers. It was good for me to see where I at with myself and getting around since I have just been sitting in a bed for the last 4 days. I wish I could do more but I seem so limited. I walk from my room to the living room and feel winded. Not sure if my lung area is filling again or not. I have an appointment set to see Dr. Kerr next Thurs. We can discuss getting the stent now that radiation is out of the picture. That removes a complication. If my lung area needs draining I can look into that too. My future is in God's most capable hands.
I also feel the need to mention that I really sense the Lord telling me not to worry about the whole nutritional avenue. I know He talks to others about that, but for me. He wants me to focus on Him and not all that. It has been 3 1/2 years of lots of advice and many times info. that conflicts and complicates. He doesn't want me to get caught up in all that. He told me His word will direct me. We have never been reckless eaters. He wants to heal me where I am at.
All in all we ask you to please not give up and to keep praying with us. People have asked how to help. Aimee Nozzi is setting up meals for us. Lauri Stevensen is often up on our current needs and a good person to check with. Some very precious dear friends have set up a fund that is currently helping us out with the financial end of this trial. The fund is called "Friends of PeggyWolf" and is at the Santa Barbara Bank and Trust. We do not know who has given or how much they have given. But thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts. Larry and I just weep when we see the kindness and the love coming at us. It is truly overwhelming.
Thank you dear friends and family we love you all so very much!!
Peggy
Monday, October 05, 2009
A fun yet difficult weekend-10/5/09
Hello to all,
It's been such a crazy few days it's hard to know where to start. I ended up not having radiation on Thurs. because their machine broke down. And I took Fri. off so the family could go out of town and use up our last day at Disneyland. I was completely unsure how this would go because I have been having such a hard time lately. But we did it somehow!!
We left Thurs. after the kids got out of school and went to the Embassy Suites. This place serves a great breakfast and this way this was one less thing to have to worry about. It worked out great. Andy and Jill Ortega met us down there and we all had a good dinner together at Buca di Beppo. We head to bed early and got up to go to Disneyland as close to opening time as possible. It opens at 8 am. Somehow we didn't make it in the park until 9:30. The weather was perfect and the crowds were perfect. Everything was just right. We rented a wheelchair for me. And it was so very necessary. I couldn't walk too far without huffing and puffing and coughing. I went on some rides and sat out on some too. Everyone had a great time. I don't know how we would have managed without Andy and Jill. It was so great to spend the day with them having fun!! We left the park for a few hours to get food and change into night time clothes and rest a little. When we came back it was as if the crowd easily doubled. It was crazy crowded. As it turned out the Adventure park closed at 6pm and everyone came to Disneyland. We just had a few things left to do anyway. And everyone was getting pretty tired. We all slept real good that night.
We took our time the next morning and headed out with a late check out so the kids could swim. It was over all a really good family time together with friends. However, the next day I felt pretty worked over. I did not go to Church and had help with the kids all day. Thank you Lord for family close by. Larry had work responsibilitites all day. I have been having a hard time with nausea, vomiting, coughing, labored breathing and low energy. I do pretty good if I just sit and do nothing. But that is just rediculous. I get up and then start coughing and all and then end up sitting again. It's a vicious cycle.
Today I woke up thinking how on earth am I going to handle 3 more days of radiation. Just three more sounds so doable. But today it sounded like the biggest mountain ever. I talked things over with Dr. Lum on the phone before my appointment and he decided to give me a week off. He said to call at the end of the week and we will decide what to do next. It's a relief to me not to have to go but also a drag to drag this whole thing out some more. I am not sure if I feel bad because of the accumulation of radiation effects or if there other tumors growing. So, with the break we will see if I feel better with the break or not. I also have a sore spot on the top of my head that feels like a bruise, yet I never hurt my head. Not sure what is up with that.
Meanwhile we have lots of people helping and praying. God is in our midst. He is in this battle. Thank you for joining us in this effort. Please pray as the Lord leads you!
Love and Gods Blessings to all!! Peggy
It's been such a crazy few days it's hard to know where to start. I ended up not having radiation on Thurs. because their machine broke down. And I took Fri. off so the family could go out of town and use up our last day at Disneyland. I was completely unsure how this would go because I have been having such a hard time lately. But we did it somehow!!
We left Thurs. after the kids got out of school and went to the Embassy Suites. This place serves a great breakfast and this way this was one less thing to have to worry about. It worked out great. Andy and Jill Ortega met us down there and we all had a good dinner together at Buca di Beppo. We head to bed early and got up to go to Disneyland as close to opening time as possible. It opens at 8 am. Somehow we didn't make it in the park until 9:30. The weather was perfect and the crowds were perfect. Everything was just right. We rented a wheelchair for me. And it was so very necessary. I couldn't walk too far without huffing and puffing and coughing. I went on some rides and sat out on some too. Everyone had a great time. I don't know how we would have managed without Andy and Jill. It was so great to spend the day with them having fun!! We left the park for a few hours to get food and change into night time clothes and rest a little. When we came back it was as if the crowd easily doubled. It was crazy crowded. As it turned out the Adventure park closed at 6pm and everyone came to Disneyland. We just had a few things left to do anyway. And everyone was getting pretty tired. We all slept real good that night.
We took our time the next morning and headed out with a late check out so the kids could swim. It was over all a really good family time together with friends. However, the next day I felt pretty worked over. I did not go to Church and had help with the kids all day. Thank you Lord for family close by. Larry had work responsibilitites all day. I have been having a hard time with nausea, vomiting, coughing, labored breathing and low energy. I do pretty good if I just sit and do nothing. But that is just rediculous. I get up and then start coughing and all and then end up sitting again. It's a vicious cycle.
Today I woke up thinking how on earth am I going to handle 3 more days of radiation. Just three more sounds so doable. But today it sounded like the biggest mountain ever. I talked things over with Dr. Lum on the phone before my appointment and he decided to give me a week off. He said to call at the end of the week and we will decide what to do next. It's a relief to me not to have to go but also a drag to drag this whole thing out some more. I am not sure if I feel bad because of the accumulation of radiation effects or if there other tumors growing. So, with the break we will see if I feel better with the break or not. I also have a sore spot on the top of my head that feels like a bruise, yet I never hurt my head. Not sure what is up with that.
Meanwhile we have lots of people helping and praying. God is in our midst. He is in this battle. Thank you for joining us in this effort. Please pray as the Lord leads you!
Love and Gods Blessings to all!! Peggy
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Day after procedure-9/26/09
Hi Friends,
Well I made it through the procedure just fine. Different outcome than I thought. But, it's all done and I am home. We had to wait forever it felt like. The procedure before me was more complicated than expected and I literally sat in pre-op for an extra 3 hours. I was fine though. I was not really nervous at all. Thanks for so many many prayers. I was so blown away by all the prayers that went around for me. I have got to know that all happened as the Lord intended.
When they were finally ready to get started he explained to me that he was going in from my neck with a camera down to the problem area. That way he could get an actual look at how things are right now. This is a much better look than the CT scan that they were going off of before. He saw that the vein was not as blocked as he thought it might have been. He thought it may have been as bad as 95%. He said it was only 70% and that there was good blood flow. From here he went ahead and opened up the vein with a balloon a few times. That was very uncomfortable. I was only on a synthetic morphine. I just felt a bit woozy. He needed me to hold my breath a couple times for a few pictures of the area. Maybe that is why they needed me awake? Overall I was pretty calm through the whole event. I was then taken to post-op and had to stay there for about 4 hours. They did feed me so that was nice. I literally left the hospital with a band-aid on my neck. Not bad huh?!!
I was a little shook up about some of the paperwork that was sent with me to bring to the doctors. It had info. on it about my recent scan and the findings. It talked about something on the top of my stomach and my lung which the doctors have not really discussed with me. But being unable to really understand all the doc-talk it's easy to get upset about things that might not warrant that. I have been having a lot of nausea and vomiting today so of course I think things are crazy with whatever the letter talked about my stomach about. I had to call my Dr. to get something called in to help me. I guess good nausea drugs are expensive and insurance companies are stingy. The one that works for me is only approved for me to have 9 every 28 days. I have nausea daily...so you do the math. When Dr. Kerr called me back I told he that I read something that I may have not been meant to read and it was upsetting. Without my file in front of him he had to rely on memory of the lastest reports, I was just in to see him last Tues. He remembered reading something about my diaphram and it being small. More of a point to keep an eye on rather than a problem. Sometimes things show up that are related to past surgeries or scarring. But they watch it and not always tell the patient. They don't want you to give up. Dr. Kerr is a Christian and it was good to talk to him today. He was able to calm me medically and spiritually. It all boils down to the fact that "If God is in the picture, there is always hope!".
I will continue to do my radiation and that should be all finished up about Oct. 6th. I had a few more days to do than I realized. And the machine broke once last week and I am taking next Fri off to somehow do our last Disneyland day before the tickets expires. Just being together as a family and having fun will be worth it. I might need them to wheel me around, but we will see. Right now we will just keep taking it all step by step and praying for the Lord to turn this all around. I have had enough of things going the wrong direction!
Love to all!!
Peggy
PS I thank the Lord for all of you often!
Well I made it through the procedure just fine. Different outcome than I thought. But, it's all done and I am home. We had to wait forever it felt like. The procedure before me was more complicated than expected and I literally sat in pre-op for an extra 3 hours. I was fine though. I was not really nervous at all. Thanks for so many many prayers. I was so blown away by all the prayers that went around for me. I have got to know that all happened as the Lord intended.
When they were finally ready to get started he explained to me that he was going in from my neck with a camera down to the problem area. That way he could get an actual look at how things are right now. This is a much better look than the CT scan that they were going off of before. He saw that the vein was not as blocked as he thought it might have been. He thought it may have been as bad as 95%. He said it was only 70% and that there was good blood flow. From here he went ahead and opened up the vein with a balloon a few times. That was very uncomfortable. I was only on a synthetic morphine. I just felt a bit woozy. He needed me to hold my breath a couple times for a few pictures of the area. Maybe that is why they needed me awake? Overall I was pretty calm through the whole event. I was then taken to post-op and had to stay there for about 4 hours. They did feed me so that was nice. I literally left the hospital with a band-aid on my neck. Not bad huh?!!
I was a little shook up about some of the paperwork that was sent with me to bring to the doctors. It had info. on it about my recent scan and the findings. It talked about something on the top of my stomach and my lung which the doctors have not really discussed with me. But being unable to really understand all the doc-talk it's easy to get upset about things that might not warrant that. I have been having a lot of nausea and vomiting today so of course I think things are crazy with whatever the letter talked about my stomach about. I had to call my Dr. to get something called in to help me. I guess good nausea drugs are expensive and insurance companies are stingy. The one that works for me is only approved for me to have 9 every 28 days. I have nausea daily...so you do the math. When Dr. Kerr called me back I told he that I read something that I may have not been meant to read and it was upsetting. Without my file in front of him he had to rely on memory of the lastest reports, I was just in to see him last Tues. He remembered reading something about my diaphram and it being small. More of a point to keep an eye on rather than a problem. Sometimes things show up that are related to past surgeries or scarring. But they watch it and not always tell the patient. They don't want you to give up. Dr. Kerr is a Christian and it was good to talk to him today. He was able to calm me medically and spiritually. It all boils down to the fact that "If God is in the picture, there is always hope!".
I will continue to do my radiation and that should be all finished up about Oct. 6th. I had a few more days to do than I realized. And the machine broke once last week and I am taking next Fri off to somehow do our last Disneyland day before the tickets expires. Just being together as a family and having fun will be worth it. I might need them to wheel me around, but we will see. Right now we will just keep taking it all step by step and praying for the Lord to turn this all around. I have had enough of things going the wrong direction!
Love to all!!
Peggy
PS I thank the Lord for all of you often!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Date set for Stent-9/23/09
Hi All,
Just trying to stay indoors today as much as possible. The smoky smell from the fillmore fire is bothersome. Last thing I need right now is breathing issues! Hope everyone is safe from it all. Looks like we still have some hot dry days ahead.
Last Tues. I was at all 3 dr. offices. 2 docs thought I should have the stent put in right away and one thought I should wait for radiation to be done. So they all talked to each other and I got a call today and found out that I will have the stent put in my Superior Vena Cava on Fri. am. I need to arrive at 8 am for a 10 am procedure. It should be an outpatient thing. They go in through the groin and thread it up from there. They only need to put me out with a twilight sleep. I should be able to go home a couple hours later.
I am praying that I will have relief right away when I come out of it. I get winded real easy just walking around the house right now. I have had a fair amount of coughing and vomiting. I'm not sure if that will change. But at least the breathing and general circulation will be better. Dr. said I won't get worn out as easy.
Please pray that there will be not complications whatsoever. I have a port line that is in the way and the Dr. will first try to move the line out of the way then stent the vein then replace the line. However, if it is just not possible the port will have to be surgically removed, then the stent put in and then surgically replaced with a new one. Since I am currently undergoing radiation there is risk of infection and things not healing properly. A surgery would make things more difficult. I'm praying that the dr.'s plan A works! Our God is an Awesome God!
Thanks ever so very much to all for the prayers!! Love to all!!!
Peggy
Just trying to stay indoors today as much as possible. The smoky smell from the fillmore fire is bothersome. Last thing I need right now is breathing issues! Hope everyone is safe from it all. Looks like we still have some hot dry days ahead.
Last Tues. I was at all 3 dr. offices. 2 docs thought I should have the stent put in right away and one thought I should wait for radiation to be done. So they all talked to each other and I got a call today and found out that I will have the stent put in my Superior Vena Cava on Fri. am. I need to arrive at 8 am for a 10 am procedure. It should be an outpatient thing. They go in through the groin and thread it up from there. They only need to put me out with a twilight sleep. I should be able to go home a couple hours later.
I am praying that I will have relief right away when I come out of it. I get winded real easy just walking around the house right now. I have had a fair amount of coughing and vomiting. I'm not sure if that will change. But at least the breathing and general circulation will be better. Dr. said I won't get worn out as easy.
Please pray that there will be not complications whatsoever. I have a port line that is in the way and the Dr. will first try to move the line out of the way then stent the vein then replace the line. However, if it is just not possible the port will have to be surgically removed, then the stent put in and then surgically replaced with a new one. Since I am currently undergoing radiation there is risk of infection and things not healing properly. A surgery would make things more difficult. I'm praying that the dr.'s plan A works! Our God is an Awesome God!
Thanks ever so very much to all for the prayers!! Love to all!!!
Peggy
Friday, September 18, 2009
Day before my Birthday!!-9/18/09
Hi All,
Yep! I turn 45 tomorrow. Sounds old. Feels old (only because of the radiation). But really it's all gone by so quick. It doesn't seem like half my life ago I was in college. Just seems like the other day. So strange. Will time continue in this pattern?? God only knows.
Today Larry and I met with Dr. Ivan Hayward. He seemed very apt and knowledgeable about the whole stenting process and then some. He answered most of my questions before I could bring out my list. He even had a plan A and plan B to deal with the port line that is in the Superior Vena Cava and will have to be moved about of the way to do this procedure. Overall it was a positive feeling. He said to call when we were ready to schedule the procedure. We will be waiting for me to finish the radiation first. We also have a 3rd day at Disneyland that we need to use before it expires in early October. I mean really...first things first. Seriously though, all seems stable and any if warning signs appear we will move fast and get the procedure going quick. The tumors seem stable and possibly smaller with radiation so far. This was expected.
As far as what follows, radiation; I have 7 more days. Then on to have the stent put in. Then back to Dr. Rigberg to do some chemo. I totally don't know what to expect there. From there it will be a wait and see how the tumors have responded to all the treatment. I'm praying they will all shrivel up and die.
I appreciate all the prayers. I say this all the time. And I really mean it! I love you all!!
Peggy
Yep! I turn 45 tomorrow. Sounds old. Feels old (only because of the radiation). But really it's all gone by so quick. It doesn't seem like half my life ago I was in college. Just seems like the other day. So strange. Will time continue in this pattern?? God only knows.
Today Larry and I met with Dr. Ivan Hayward. He seemed very apt and knowledgeable about the whole stenting process and then some. He answered most of my questions before I could bring out my list. He even had a plan A and plan B to deal with the port line that is in the Superior Vena Cava and will have to be moved about of the way to do this procedure. Overall it was a positive feeling. He said to call when we were ready to schedule the procedure. We will be waiting for me to finish the radiation first. We also have a 3rd day at Disneyland that we need to use before it expires in early October. I mean really...first things first. Seriously though, all seems stable and any if warning signs appear we will move fast and get the procedure going quick. The tumors seem stable and possibly smaller with radiation so far. This was expected.
As far as what follows, radiation; I have 7 more days. Then on to have the stent put in. Then back to Dr. Rigberg to do some chemo. I totally don't know what to expect there. From there it will be a wait and see how the tumors have responded to all the treatment. I'm praying they will all shrivel up and die.
I appreciate all the prayers. I say this all the time. And I really mean it! I love you all!!
Peggy
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Ten down and ten to go-9/15/09
Hi All,
I have finished 10 radiation sessions and have ten to go. I'm feeling it for sure. Without going into all the gory details. Keep praying and thanks for praying. The nausea and vomiting are less and somewhat under control. Like one of my doctors said, "it's like a 3 ring circus". You use one medicine to help one problem and then that creates another problem. Last time I did radiation I did get radiation pneumonia. They fixed that with steroids. I saw Dr. Rigberg today and he did mention that their is fluid on my lungs again. That explains the constant tickle and cough.
Anyways...At Rigbergs today we talked about what he called me about last week after the scan. It looks as though my Superior Vena Cava is about 80% decreased. So I will need to have the vein stented. I still have not had a consultation with the radiologist who would do the procedure. That appointment with Dr. Hayward will be on Fri. The Dr. at my Radiation place suggested we wait to place the stent until they are finished with my radiation. This will run into the end of Sept. By my Fri. appointment that leaves about a week and a half left of radiation that is supposedly shrinking the tumors making it all a little less dangerous. I will wait till Fri. to find out what is next. Meantime I do have an appointment set with Dr. Kerr my regular family dr. We'll let him weigh in on all these changes since I have last seen him too.
Thankful for my family and friends and all the moments we have together. Thanks so much for all the prayers! I'm believing for a miracle and for God to reverse all of this and heal me!
Love to all!!, Peggy
I have finished 10 radiation sessions and have ten to go. I'm feeling it for sure. Without going into all the gory details. Keep praying and thanks for praying. The nausea and vomiting are less and somewhat under control. Like one of my doctors said, "it's like a 3 ring circus". You use one medicine to help one problem and then that creates another problem. Last time I did radiation I did get radiation pneumonia. They fixed that with steroids. I saw Dr. Rigberg today and he did mention that their is fluid on my lungs again. That explains the constant tickle and cough.
Anyways...At Rigbergs today we talked about what he called me about last week after the scan. It looks as though my Superior Vena Cava is about 80% decreased. So I will need to have the vein stented. I still have not had a consultation with the radiologist who would do the procedure. That appointment with Dr. Hayward will be on Fri. The Dr. at my Radiation place suggested we wait to place the stent until they are finished with my radiation. This will run into the end of Sept. By my Fri. appointment that leaves about a week and a half left of radiation that is supposedly shrinking the tumors making it all a little less dangerous. I will wait till Fri. to find out what is next. Meantime I do have an appointment set with Dr. Kerr my regular family dr. We'll let him weigh in on all these changes since I have last seen him too.
Thankful for my family and friends and all the moments we have together. Thanks so much for all the prayers! I'm believing for a miracle and for God to reverse all of this and heal me!
Love to all!!, Peggy
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Power Port Drama-9/10/09
Hi All,
I am all done with the scan at the hospital this AM. It was all kind of ridiculous that I had to register as an inpatient to have a scan. But, whatever!! It's done. It's was all crazy too. Last May I had my picc line removed and a Power Port put in. The picc line in my arm got a rash around the surrounding skin. It would not go away. So we decided to put a port in my chest instead. They installed a new device called a Power Port that can handle stronger flushes of fluid unlike your ordinary everyday port. So I'm all "new and improved" and "high tech" in the world of ports. The problem is that not all the nurses are familiar with this "new technology" and they don't want to use it. The only other option is to try to find a vein in one of my arms. Which often takes many pokes and digs and is painful and frustrating for everyone involved. So today they find a doctor who has been practicing for 40 years who says he'll use the port. It hurts as usual but it's just one poke so no big deal. They tape it up. Then they send me in the machine to start the contrast infusion and it's starts to hurt and burn and spray out all over my neck. So I am hollering for them to stop. And they do. It's really hurting and I'm tearing up and they are looking for the doctor who put the needle in. He comes and takes it out. They start to massage the area to break up all the contrast that is in my tissue instead of my vein. That was why it was burning. And that helps the pain to dissipate. The doctor seems obviously annoyed that it failed and didn't work. He kept saying it should have worked. Since he took it out he wanted to retry so he could flush it to see if it was blocked or what. The second time he tried it didn't hurt as much. He flushed it with saline and it didn't feel like anything. So they decided since the line was clear to try again. And, Thank-You Jesus, all went just fine. They flushed it before they removed the needle, apologized and sent me on my way. I think with all the excitement and uncertainty with the new port they just plum forgot to flush the port first. They always flush it before and after they do anything. I will need to be more proactive about all that in the future.
Sorry about the play by play with it all. Now I wait to hear back from Dr. Rigberg to see what they (Dr. Rigberg and Dr. Hayward) think I should do right now regarding my Superior Vena Cava. Apparently it is a risky procedure to stent that vein. God knows and God is in control. My next appointment with Dr. Rigberg is next Tues. I'm hoping I do not need a stent. I am hoping the radiation is shrinking the tumors.
I have been battling a lot of nausea and vomiting these past few days. Prayer to get that under control who be awesome. I have 6 days done out of 20. Still a long way to go with all this everyday stuff. It wears you down pretty good.
Love and Blessings to all!!
Peggy
I am all done with the scan at the hospital this AM. It was all kind of ridiculous that I had to register as an inpatient to have a scan. But, whatever!! It's done. It's was all crazy too. Last May I had my picc line removed and a Power Port put in. The picc line in my arm got a rash around the surrounding skin. It would not go away. So we decided to put a port in my chest instead. They installed a new device called a Power Port that can handle stronger flushes of fluid unlike your ordinary everyday port. So I'm all "new and improved" and "high tech" in the world of ports. The problem is that not all the nurses are familiar with this "new technology" and they don't want to use it. The only other option is to try to find a vein in one of my arms. Which often takes many pokes and digs and is painful and frustrating for everyone involved. So today they find a doctor who has been practicing for 40 years who says he'll use the port. It hurts as usual but it's just one poke so no big deal. They tape it up. Then they send me in the machine to start the contrast infusion and it's starts to hurt and burn and spray out all over my neck. So I am hollering for them to stop. And they do. It's really hurting and I'm tearing up and they are looking for the doctor who put the needle in. He comes and takes it out. They start to massage the area to break up all the contrast that is in my tissue instead of my vein. That was why it was burning. And that helps the pain to dissipate. The doctor seems obviously annoyed that it failed and didn't work. He kept saying it should have worked. Since he took it out he wanted to retry so he could flush it to see if it was blocked or what. The second time he tried it didn't hurt as much. He flushed it with saline and it didn't feel like anything. So they decided since the line was clear to try again. And, Thank-You Jesus, all went just fine. They flushed it before they removed the needle, apologized and sent me on my way. I think with all the excitement and uncertainty with the new port they just plum forgot to flush the port first. They always flush it before and after they do anything. I will need to be more proactive about all that in the future.
Sorry about the play by play with it all. Now I wait to hear back from Dr. Rigberg to see what they (Dr. Rigberg and Dr. Hayward) think I should do right now regarding my Superior Vena Cava. Apparently it is a risky procedure to stent that vein. God knows and God is in control. My next appointment with Dr. Rigberg is next Tues. I'm hoping I do not need a stent. I am hoping the radiation is shrinking the tumors.
I have been battling a lot of nausea and vomiting these past few days. Prayer to get that under control who be awesome. I have 6 days done out of 20. Still a long way to go with all this everyday stuff. It wears you down pretty good.
Love and Blessings to all!!
Peggy
Friday, September 04, 2009
Radiation Started-9/4/09
Hi All,
Hope this finds you all doing well. Things have been busy with school starting for us this week. Lexie is enjoying her 5th grade class with Mrs. Matteson. She is with several kids she had in her class last year. Trinity is in 2nd with Mrs. Franklin and Joshua is happy in Kindergarten with Mrs. Cathcart. He is fortunate to have his buddy Luke from Church in his class.
I am so glad the Lord had me start radiation the first week back to school. I was given the whole Summer with a reasonable amount of energy. This week I feel weak! Radiation really kicks your butt! And I'm praying it kicks so much more than that! I will have a total of 20 days of radiation. The first couple of days I didn't get the full treatment. So, if I calculate it all out correctly I will be doing my last radiation on Sept. 30th. I have weekends and holidays off.
Next week Dr. Rigberg' s office set up for me to go to St. John's hospital in Oxnard. Dr. Rigberg found a local Dr. that would stent the Superior Vena Cava. Evidently not everyone that stent's will do that vein. So, I go Thurs morning at 8:30 to have another CT scan of my heart. This one will be specifically looking to see exactly how the tumors are currently effecting my Superior Vena Cava. Then Dr. Hayward will talk to Dr. Rigberg and they will make a decision as to whether I need it stented right away or if I have time to see if the radiation can shrink them.
Today I have been feeling tired, fatigued, nauseated and headachy. Maybe it's just the heat? Well, I'm sure that is not helping. It does make it hard to be optimistic. But I am sure trying. I appreciate all the prayers so many have been praying. It is helping us all together just face each day. For the most part the kids are handling all this great. They still act like normal kids. I still wish they would listen better. But at least they are all normal. God has been our strength!
Love and appreciation to all!! Peggy
Hope this finds you all doing well. Things have been busy with school starting for us this week. Lexie is enjoying her 5th grade class with Mrs. Matteson. She is with several kids she had in her class last year. Trinity is in 2nd with Mrs. Franklin and Joshua is happy in Kindergarten with Mrs. Cathcart. He is fortunate to have his buddy Luke from Church in his class.
I am so glad the Lord had me start radiation the first week back to school. I was given the whole Summer with a reasonable amount of energy. This week I feel weak! Radiation really kicks your butt! And I'm praying it kicks so much more than that! I will have a total of 20 days of radiation. The first couple of days I didn't get the full treatment. So, if I calculate it all out correctly I will be doing my last radiation on Sept. 30th. I have weekends and holidays off.
Next week Dr. Rigberg' s office set up for me to go to St. John's hospital in Oxnard. Dr. Rigberg found a local Dr. that would stent the Superior Vena Cava. Evidently not everyone that stent's will do that vein. So, I go Thurs morning at 8:30 to have another CT scan of my heart. This one will be specifically looking to see exactly how the tumors are currently effecting my Superior Vena Cava. Then Dr. Hayward will talk to Dr. Rigberg and they will make a decision as to whether I need it stented right away or if I have time to see if the radiation can shrink them.
Today I have been feeling tired, fatigued, nauseated and headachy. Maybe it's just the heat? Well, I'm sure that is not helping. It does make it hard to be optimistic. But I am sure trying. I appreciate all the prayers so many have been praying. It is helping us all together just face each day. For the most part the kids are handling all this great. They still act like normal kids. I still wish they would listen better. But at least they are all normal. God has been our strength!
Love and appreciation to all!! Peggy
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Calling all Prayer Warriors-8/25
Hi All,
I got a call from my Dr. this AM regarding the CT scan on my neck from yesterday. I am not able to do the planned study. The new tumor in my neck grew substantially this past month. The old one on the right side just stayed the same. But the new one grew. Go figure that one out?? I am understanding more and more why they describe cancer as such a complex disease. Dr. Rosen said the Superior Vena Cava (the main vein that drains blood from the brain) *I love how all that rhymes* anyways...this vein is entrapped. I understand this to mean the vein is surrounded by tumor. Too risky to do the study. He has now suggested to go back to my Oxnard Dr.'s to do radiation and chemotherapy together. Since the tumor is in a place that has not been radiated there is a chance it will responded to this treatment. Prayer would be so much appreciated that it will in fact be effective. I know God is in control and is opening and closing the necessary doors to me and the precise right time. Thanks for teaming with the family in this effort!!
While praying today with God I felt that He told me that "Your friends will be fighting for you!" What a comfort that was to me!!
Love and Blessings to each and everyone of you!!
Peggy
I got a call from my Dr. this AM regarding the CT scan on my neck from yesterday. I am not able to do the planned study. The new tumor in my neck grew substantially this past month. The old one on the right side just stayed the same. But the new one grew. Go figure that one out?? I am understanding more and more why they describe cancer as such a complex disease. Dr. Rosen said the Superior Vena Cava (the main vein that drains blood from the brain) *I love how all that rhymes* anyways...this vein is entrapped. I understand this to mean the vein is surrounded by tumor. Too risky to do the study. He has now suggested to go back to my Oxnard Dr.'s to do radiation and chemotherapy together. Since the tumor is in a place that has not been radiated there is a chance it will responded to this treatment. Prayer would be so much appreciated that it will in fact be effective. I know God is in control and is opening and closing the necessary doors to me and the precise right time. Thanks for teaming with the family in this effort!!
While praying today with God I felt that He told me that "Your friends will be fighting for you!" What a comfort that was to me!!
Love and Blessings to each and everyone of you!!
Peggy
Monday, August 24, 2009
Disneyland/New Study-8/24
Hi All,
We had a great time at the Happiest Place on Earth!! We and a Zillion other people! It was really crowded. I'm glad we are saving our 3rd day for Sept or Oct. In spite of the large volume of people we road most of the rides we wanted to ride. We only missed a few! Thanks you so much to whoever blessed us with the passes and also thanks to the Vargas and Ramirez family's for blessing us with the use of the time share! And tons of thanks to Nana for filling in the blanks and helping with the kids!! It was so nice!! We have so many great memories! We can't stop talking about it all!!
Today it took me 3 1/2 hours to get to my Dr. appointment in Santa Monica. It usually only takes an hour and 10 min. They closed PCH due to a land slide with a tree down and power lines down too. It was a mess. I kept in contact with them to let them know I was on my way and would be there as soon as possible. I thought Dr. Rosen would be gone by the time I arrived but he ended up being able to see me. He was due somewhere else at noon. I was able to show him the new areas of growth I have noticed recently. The tumor on my chest has really bumped up. And the new small one on the left side of my neck has grown a lot. It is feeling really crowded on that side of my neck. It is all starting to get somewhat uncomfortable. He was concerned about the Superior Vena Cava. He said that is the vein that drains the blood from the brain. If the tumor is causing a problem there, I might not be able to do the next study. I was checked today with a CT scan and will find out tomorrow if I am able to start the new trial. I am just praying this is all God perfect timing. Earlier on with this study, the dose was way too high and the people were suffering from extreme nausea and vomiting. They have lower the trial dose from 300 mg's to 25 mg's. Recently moving it up to 50 mg's. That is what I would get at first. Possibly 100 mg's later. The side effects with this dose are minimal. The idea with this drug is targeted like the other one was. Hopefully it will go after the cancer and not damage the good stuff. That is my prayer!
Hope this provides you with a better idea on what is up and how to pray. These prayers have been my strength to keep on fighting. The kids have been battling with us! They are so brave and have so much faith! I am so proud of them!
Love to all, Peggy
We had a great time at the Happiest Place on Earth!! We and a Zillion other people! It was really crowded. I'm glad we are saving our 3rd day for Sept or Oct. In spite of the large volume of people we road most of the rides we wanted to ride. We only missed a few! Thanks you so much to whoever blessed us with the passes and also thanks to the Vargas and Ramirez family's for blessing us with the use of the time share! And tons of thanks to Nana for filling in the blanks and helping with the kids!! It was so nice!! We have so many great memories! We can't stop talking about it all!!
Today it took me 3 1/2 hours to get to my Dr. appointment in Santa Monica. It usually only takes an hour and 10 min. They closed PCH due to a land slide with a tree down and power lines down too. It was a mess. I kept in contact with them to let them know I was on my way and would be there as soon as possible. I thought Dr. Rosen would be gone by the time I arrived but he ended up being able to see me. He was due somewhere else at noon. I was able to show him the new areas of growth I have noticed recently. The tumor on my chest has really bumped up. And the new small one on the left side of my neck has grown a lot. It is feeling really crowded on that side of my neck. It is all starting to get somewhat uncomfortable. He was concerned about the Superior Vena Cava. He said that is the vein that drains the blood from the brain. If the tumor is causing a problem there, I might not be able to do the next study. I was checked today with a CT scan and will find out tomorrow if I am able to start the new trial. I am just praying this is all God perfect timing. Earlier on with this study, the dose was way too high and the people were suffering from extreme nausea and vomiting. They have lower the trial dose from 300 mg's to 25 mg's. Recently moving it up to 50 mg's. That is what I would get at first. Possibly 100 mg's later. The side effects with this dose are minimal. The idea with this drug is targeted like the other one was. Hopefully it will go after the cancer and not damage the good stuff. That is my prayer!
Hope this provides you with a better idea on what is up and how to pray. These prayers have been my strength to keep on fighting. The kids have been battling with us! They are so brave and have so much faith! I am so proud of them!
Love to all, Peggy
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wow a whole Month later-8/18
Hi Friends and Family,
Hope this finds everyone doing very well! Hope the Summer has lived up to it's expectations! Just a few details and prayer needs to communicate to whoever happens upon this entry in time!
They have what they call "A Wash Out" period when you stop one trial drug before you go to another. Typically that is 4 weeks. This one was only 3. A study came up a couple weeks ago but it just wasn't right as it turned out. My Dr. was on vacation with his family last week and we are going to Disneyland at the end of this week. I just wanted to wait until after this trip to get started on something new. You just never know how a new drug is going to make you feel. I wanted to really enjoy this trip with the family. It's been a tough year and we all need just to have a couple of days of FUN!! Hooray! We are all really excited to go.
I did talk to one of the study co-ordinators today. She said the doctor and his team will be evaluating my case tomorrow to see which study to put me on next. New drug trials are constantly coming and going from the place. They try to match things up best they can. So I am calling on divine intervention here. Please pray that our dear Lord will direct Dr. Rosen and his people to the exact right drug that will kill this cancer. One that will be least destructive to the rest of me. This past month I have observed the tumor on my chest growing quite a bit. This is one I can see. There are bigger ones beneath my sternum. I have been feeling more discomfort as time goes on. I just really need breakthrough and a miracle! I so very much want to finish my job as a Mother. Not that that job is ever really finished. But I have so much more I want to accomplish with my family!
Thank you all so much for partnering with me in this healing! I have been quoting, "No weapon formed against me will prosper" and "Any plant which my heavenly Father did not plant Will be uprooted"!! Send me any other scriptures you feel the Lord would have me meditate on!! He is our Awesome God!
Lots of Love, Peggy
Hope this finds everyone doing very well! Hope the Summer has lived up to it's expectations! Just a few details and prayer needs to communicate to whoever happens upon this entry in time!
They have what they call "A Wash Out" period when you stop one trial drug before you go to another. Typically that is 4 weeks. This one was only 3. A study came up a couple weeks ago but it just wasn't right as it turned out. My Dr. was on vacation with his family last week and we are going to Disneyland at the end of this week. I just wanted to wait until after this trip to get started on something new. You just never know how a new drug is going to make you feel. I wanted to really enjoy this trip with the family. It's been a tough year and we all need just to have a couple of days of FUN!! Hooray! We are all really excited to go.
I did talk to one of the study co-ordinators today. She said the doctor and his team will be evaluating my case tomorrow to see which study to put me on next. New drug trials are constantly coming and going from the place. They try to match things up best they can. So I am calling on divine intervention here. Please pray that our dear Lord will direct Dr. Rosen and his people to the exact right drug that will kill this cancer. One that will be least destructive to the rest of me. This past month I have observed the tumor on my chest growing quite a bit. This is one I can see. There are bigger ones beneath my sternum. I have been feeling more discomfort as time goes on. I just really need breakthrough and a miracle! I so very much want to finish my job as a Mother. Not that that job is ever really finished. But I have so much more I want to accomplish with my family!
Thank you all so much for partnering with me in this healing! I have been quoting, "No weapon formed against me will prosper" and "Any plant which my heavenly Father did not plant Will be uprooted"!! Send me any other scriptures you feel the Lord would have me meditate on!! He is our Awesome God!
Lots of Love, Peggy
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Blindside-7/16
Hi All,
Just got home from the Dr. in Santa Monica. It was CT scan result day. I went in feeling pretty confident that all was well. I have been feeling well and the tumors appear to be shrinking. The one in my neck is barely visible anymore. And the ones on my sternum seem flatter. But somehow the Dr. had different news. The tumors are bigger and their appears to be new growth of a new tumor. 10% growth on one and nearly 20% growth on another and a new 1 cm growth on the left side of my neck. The largest growth was a tumor that was 4.4cm that is now 5.4 cm. So as you can see these are still smaller than my original 15 cm tumor that was removed at UCLA Aug 2006. So the good news is that I am still plenty strong to continue the fight. On the way home I usually call from my hands free blue tooth and talk talk talk to whoever. But last month the cell phone bill was way high. So I just texted a few people and spent the time talking to God and listening to Christian music. One song that stands out that really ministered to me during this hour and a half drive was Remedy Drives "Hopes Not Giving Up"!!!! It's a great song. Check it out!! Thanks for the prayers for healing and encouragement. I'm so blessed!!
Love to all, Peggy
Just got home from the Dr. in Santa Monica. It was CT scan result day. I went in feeling pretty confident that all was well. I have been feeling well and the tumors appear to be shrinking. The one in my neck is barely visible anymore. And the ones on my sternum seem flatter. But somehow the Dr. had different news. The tumors are bigger and their appears to be new growth of a new tumor. 10% growth on one and nearly 20% growth on another and a new 1 cm growth on the left side of my neck. The largest growth was a tumor that was 4.4cm that is now 5.4 cm. So as you can see these are still smaller than my original 15 cm tumor that was removed at UCLA Aug 2006. So the good news is that I am still plenty strong to continue the fight. On the way home I usually call from my hands free blue tooth and talk talk talk to whoever. But last month the cell phone bill was way high. So I just texted a few people and spent the time talking to God and listening to Christian music. One song that stands out that really ministered to me during this hour and a half drive was Remedy Drives "Hopes Not Giving Up"!!!! It's a great song. Check it out!! Thanks for the prayers for healing and encouragement. I'm so blessed!!
Love to all, Peggy
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Next Step/6-27
Hello Friends,
I heard back from my Oncologist that my thyroid is still high after not taking the chemo medicine for 3 days. So he recommended that I see an Endocrinologist. Yikes! Another Doctor! Well hopefully this will be easily fixed and I can get on with killing this cancer. Right now I am just waiting on my Primary Doctor to recommend an Endocrinologist in the area. And my Oncologist is just having me continue my experimental drug until my next visit and then he will decide if we need to dose reduce.
We just finished Summer Slam with the Church. It is our Church's Vacation Bible School program. We all had a wonderful time. Next year will be Lexie's last year to go. She will be going into Jr. High after that. I'm sure she will want to volunteer to help though. She really loves it. We will see. Trinity won big on the last night of drawings. One of the nice prizes with an Ipod schuffle. She won it! She was very excited. I was the small group leader to her and a few other first graders. They kept asking me each night why they didn't win anything. I asked, "Well did you pray?" It was fun to watch a few of them win! Lexie invited a boy from her 4th grade class and he won one of the 4 grand prize bicycles. It was so much fun!
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and comments! All so much of a blessing to me!
Lots of love, Peggy
I heard back from my Oncologist that my thyroid is still high after not taking the chemo medicine for 3 days. So he recommended that I see an Endocrinologist. Yikes! Another Doctor! Well hopefully this will be easily fixed and I can get on with killing this cancer. Right now I am just waiting on my Primary Doctor to recommend an Endocrinologist in the area. And my Oncologist is just having me continue my experimental drug until my next visit and then he will decide if we need to dose reduce.
We just finished Summer Slam with the Church. It is our Church's Vacation Bible School program. We all had a wonderful time. Next year will be Lexie's last year to go. She will be going into Jr. High after that. I'm sure she will want to volunteer to help though. She really loves it. We will see. Trinity won big on the last night of drawings. One of the nice prizes with an Ipod schuffle. She won it! She was very excited. I was the small group leader to her and a few other first graders. They kept asking me each night why they didn't win anything. I asked, "Well did you pray?" It was fun to watch a few of them win! Lexie invited a boy from her 4th grade class and he won one of the 4 grand prize bicycles. It was so much fun!
Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and comments! All so much of a blessing to me!
Lots of love, Peggy
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thyroid-6/20
Hi All,
Hope the Summer has started out well for everyone. We have already been busy with sleepovers, swimming and movies! Hooray for Summer!! We also have a Disneyland visit to anticipate this August. It will be a first time for Josh. We have been saving exclusively for that with garage sales and other things. And we have been blessed with some unexpected blessing to make it all happen this August. We had to set aside a specific fund because it would never happen otherwise. I can't believe how many different medical places send me bills. It is very discouraging and also makes me feel guilty that my sickness is taking all the family's extra money and then some. I had been praying for some time that God would help to make this happen. The kids need to have fun memories of growing up. Family fun time is important. I hate having our lives revolve around my cancer. And it shouldn't! God is so awesome to answer this humble prayer. If He can do this simple "Disneyland Prayer". Surely He is working on all the other health and financial prayers too. I love our God!!
Anyways...a bit of a tangent there. I wanted to write here to request prayer. My most recent blood test has shown that my thyroid is high or hyper thyroid. Kind of a new thing for me. I have not had any issues here. I don't know a lot about thyroid stuff. Dr. Rosen just asked me to stop the cancer drug over the weekend and have my blood checked on Monday to see if it is the drug that is causing the thyroid to act up. If yes, then we will try a lower dose of the new drug that is working. I have noticed that I have been excessively sweaty. I thought it was due to Summer and menopause. They seem to think it may be connected to the hyper thyroid. We will see. Please pray for this organ or whatever it is to regulate correctly. From what I understand the thyroid effects many functions in your body. Thank you all so very much!!
I am praying for total healing! Thanks for joining me on this mission!!
Love to all, Peggy
Hope the Summer has started out well for everyone. We have already been busy with sleepovers, swimming and movies! Hooray for Summer!! We also have a Disneyland visit to anticipate this August. It will be a first time for Josh. We have been saving exclusively for that with garage sales and other things. And we have been blessed with some unexpected blessing to make it all happen this August. We had to set aside a specific fund because it would never happen otherwise. I can't believe how many different medical places send me bills. It is very discouraging and also makes me feel guilty that my sickness is taking all the family's extra money and then some. I had been praying for some time that God would help to make this happen. The kids need to have fun memories of growing up. Family fun time is important. I hate having our lives revolve around my cancer. And it shouldn't! God is so awesome to answer this humble prayer. If He can do this simple "Disneyland Prayer". Surely He is working on all the other health and financial prayers too. I love our God!!
Anyways...a bit of a tangent there. I wanted to write here to request prayer. My most recent blood test has shown that my thyroid is high or hyper thyroid. Kind of a new thing for me. I have not had any issues here. I don't know a lot about thyroid stuff. Dr. Rosen just asked me to stop the cancer drug over the weekend and have my blood checked on Monday to see if it is the drug that is causing the thyroid to act up. If yes, then we will try a lower dose of the new drug that is working. I have noticed that I have been excessively sweaty. I thought it was due to Summer and menopause. They seem to think it may be connected to the hyper thyroid. We will see. Please pray for this organ or whatever it is to regulate correctly. From what I understand the thyroid effects many functions in your body. Thank you all so very much!!
I am praying for total healing! Thanks for joining me on this mission!!
Love to all, Peggy
Sunday, May 31, 2009
They are Shrinking!!-5/31
Hi All,
I can hardly believe it...the tumors I can see and feel are getting smaller. I have been on this new clinical trial for about 3 weeks and already a visible difference. The side effects have been more mild than the intravenous drugs. This one is called Pazopanib and I take two each morning 1 hour before food. I still get tired out pretty easily but not as much. But my hair is still here and no nausea!! I have had a few cold sore on my tongue, but that is no big deal. Praise God that this one is working! Please continue to pray that this healing continues!
This past week I went with Larry to our denominations Pastors convention. We stayed in a really nice Hilton right next to Disneyland in Anaheim. We went and got the kids once the convention part was over and enjoyed the hotel for two more nights. We were blessed by an anonymous blesser with Disney tickets but decided to use them later in the Summer when we can be rested and enjoy the gift to the fullest. We have been planning and saving up to go this Summer so that was an extra special blessing!! Thank-you so much anonymous blesser!!
I am hoping the Summer will be easier to enjoy this year. With out the drastic blows of the other chemo I will be able to plan out and enjoy for stuff with the kids. I know I will still have to pace myself but I know it will be easier this way! We are looking forward to swimming, beach, movies and lots of friend dates!!
Thanks over and over again for all the prayers and help all of you have given to us! You are priceless and we will never be able to thank everyone enough for all that they have done for us! Please keep the prayers coming! Jesus is my healer!!
Lots of love, Peggy
I can hardly believe it...the tumors I can see and feel are getting smaller. I have been on this new clinical trial for about 3 weeks and already a visible difference. The side effects have been more mild than the intravenous drugs. This one is called Pazopanib and I take two each morning 1 hour before food. I still get tired out pretty easily but not as much. But my hair is still here and no nausea!! I have had a few cold sore on my tongue, but that is no big deal. Praise God that this one is working! Please continue to pray that this healing continues!
This past week I went with Larry to our denominations Pastors convention. We stayed in a really nice Hilton right next to Disneyland in Anaheim. We went and got the kids once the convention part was over and enjoyed the hotel for two more nights. We were blessed by an anonymous blesser with Disney tickets but decided to use them later in the Summer when we can be rested and enjoy the gift to the fullest. We have been planning and saving up to go this Summer so that was an extra special blessing!! Thank-you so much anonymous blesser!!
I am hoping the Summer will be easier to enjoy this year. With out the drastic blows of the other chemo I will be able to plan out and enjoy for stuff with the kids. I know I will still have to pace myself but I know it will be easier this way! We are looking forward to swimming, beach, movies and lots of friend dates!!
Thanks over and over again for all the prayers and help all of you have given to us! You are priceless and we will never be able to thank everyone enough for all that they have done for us! Please keep the prayers coming! Jesus is my healer!!
Lots of love, Peggy
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