Home from the Hospital-10/10

Dear Friends and Family,

What a crazy bunch of days it's been this week. I went to a schedule follow-up appointment for the stent that never was placed with Dr. Rigberg on Tues. I had been having building difficulty with breathing and a new sore spot on the top of my head that day. We talked about a bunch of stuff and the fact that I took the week off radiation even though I only had 3 more to go. I was just feeling so horrible even with a 4 day break from it all. My heart rate was up over 130 beats a minute that day too. He was concerned about all of this so he call my family Dr.Kerr to discuss it all while we waited. He came back and said Dr. Kerr wanted us to go straight to his office to be evaluated and most likely admitted to the hospital. So he saw me and wrote up all the orders to be admitted and have all the different test done to see what was causing all of this.

So we go straight to Community Memorial Hospital in Ventura. Then I start having all kinds of test run. Oh but first our nurse friend Laura Fitts that works at CMH came and help ease nerves and get us settled and even made sure we had a great room with a beautiful view that was private. That was such a awesome blessing!

It turned out that my left lung or rather the area between the ribcage and the lung was filled with quite a bit of fluid. It was making it difficult to take it a full breath. Wed. afternoon they were able to give me a Thorantenthesis. I have no idea if I spelled that word right. But basically it means they thread a tube in my lung from my back and drain out the fluid. The procedure was really not to big of a deal. The relief was gradual as the lung took its time being able to reinflate all the way. I could by that evening get up and walk to the restroom and back without getting totally winded.

Later Wed. evening Dr. Kerr came in to review the test from that day and see how my breathing was and to have a serious talk with us. He told us in spite of the radiation I have been receiving the tumors around my heart area have grown. Also the new spot on my head is a possible new area of concern that could be treated with radiation. The fluid in my lung area could have been cause by the radiation or area tumors. It could fill up again. He began to discuss getting a DNR on my records. My chest is in a condition that it really couldn't take being resuscitated. And if they bring me back, then what? We have tried everything man has to offer already. So we tearfully agreed to that.

I have in the past few weeks been sensing from the Lord that this discussion was coming. So I was able to tell the Doctor that I was ready to be done with all radiation and chemo. It just is not offering enough hope or help and adding so many unpleasant side effects. He was ready to help us down this road. Dr. Kerr is just a beautiful Christian man. I communicated to him that I really feel like the Lord is telling me to just lay it all at the foot of the cross. Larry and I felt a tremendous peace about this decision. We were able the next morning to talk to a palleative care team. A team that helps with all the confusing stuff that goes on during this phase of any difficult illness. So much to be educated on right now. We are getting our living trust finished. And in no way at all are we throwing in the towel. Just like a soldier going off to war we want things in order since we do not know what it going to happen. We are still full on contending for a miracle from our Lord Jesus!!

Then next hours of the day were filled with talking to the kids, which was hard but they did really well. Lots of tears and hugs. Talking to many family and friend groups that could help get the word out. We are asking the Lord for a miracle on many battle fronts. There was a steady stream of support from family and close friends all day Thurs. We laughed we cried and I sat there not even feeling very sick. It's all so very surreal. God has spared me from pain in the process so far. I have had some but from what my cancer nurse friend tells me is that I am doing remarkable. People with less cancer have so many more discomforts. I attribute this to all the prayer and our Loving God!!

Larry brought me home last night. We had a quite evening together while the kids had a cousin night at Grandma and Grandpa Haeusslers. It was good for me to see where I at with myself and getting around since I have just been sitting in a bed for the last 4 days. I wish I could do more but I seem so limited. I walk from my room to the living room and feel winded. Not sure if my lung area is filling again or not. I have an appointment set to see Dr. Kerr next Thurs. We can discuss getting the stent now that radiation is out of the picture. That removes a complication. If my lung area needs draining I can look into that too. My future is in God's most capable hands.

I also feel the need to mention that I really sense the Lord telling me not to worry about the whole nutritional avenue. I know He talks to others about that, but for me. He wants me to focus on Him and not all that. It has been 3 1/2 years of lots of advice and many times info. that conflicts and complicates. He doesn't want me to get caught up in all that. He told me His word will direct me. We have never been reckless eaters. He wants to heal me where I am at.

All in all we ask you to please not give up and to keep praying with us. People have asked how to help. Aimee Nozzi is setting up meals for us. Lauri Stevensen is often up on our current needs and a good person to check with. Some very precious dear friends have set up a fund that is currently helping us out with the financial end of this trial. The fund is called "Friends of PeggyWolf" and is at the Santa Barbara Bank and Trust. We do not know who has given or how much they have given. But thank you all so much from the bottom of our hearts. Larry and I just weep when we see the kindness and the love coming at us. It is truly overwhelming.

Thank you dear friends and family we love you all so very much!!

Peggy